Wife: "Go to hell." Furthermore, he has teaching experience from Aarhus University. I do not consider you a vulture. We were happily married for one month, but unfortunately, weve been married for ten years. You just live. Whatever is eating at you must be suffering horribly. Stupidity is not a crime so you are free to go. I never pick on somebody who is unarmed. 70. They clap their hands over their eyes. Wife: "No." If youre going to act like a turd, lay on the yard. Boy: "Life's a bitch, just like you." Girl: "Actually life is short, just like your dick." Big Guy: Your dick's so small, it's like a tic-tac. A picture in a plastic surgery magazine, right? The ones that get under your opponents skin and really make them squirm. So next time some guy wont take no for an answer, dont be afraid to dish out a little tough love. Student: "By staying home" Go right in. When you go to the mind reader, do you get half price? When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, Ill say it was your stupidity. When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening. Why dont you go to the library and brush up on your ignorance? Why dont you slip into something more comfortable like a coma. So I packed up my stuff and right. I think of an unfair life every time I see you. Girl: "Wanna hear a joke about my pussy? Tag: dirty minded comebacks. Me neither. Dont you get tired of putting makeup on your two faces every morning? Short White Guy: "You're tall, Do you play basketball?" I will sue my parents if I have a face like you. Tombstone engraving: I TOLD you I was sick. Heres a tissue, you have a little piece of sh*t on your lips. Im busy right now; can I ignore you another time? I may love to shop, but I will never buy your bull. Sometimes thinking hard can be difficult. I dont mind you talking too much. i will make a cartoon for you Can I bring you a juice box instead? I dont know whether to laugh at you or pity you. Before you came along we were hungry. 42. because you are highly qualified. 57. From the moment I first saw you, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life avoiding you. Hey girl, is your name winter? Boyfriend says to group (friends)at a party "Yea, I m hung like a horse" Youve been trying to get your summer body since two winters ago. I can only please one person a day. The opposite attracts, right? Your nasty behaviour is the reason for your receding hairline. Because you'll be coming soon. 3. It sucks to be in such a situation. 2. Me: "Why are you teaching during my conversation?" You are not yourself today. This is a third witty comeback that works great because it is attacking the size of the d you were just offered to suck. Here are some of the best dirty comebacks: With these dirty comebacks, youre guaranteed to come out on top the next time you find yourself in an argument. This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. All Rights Reserved. A nasty comeback doesnt require much ingenuity. "Your ass must be jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth." Ill never forget the first time we met. Tall Black Guy: "You're short, Do you work for Willy Wonka." Guy: Id go through anything for you.Girl: Good! I see no evil, and I definitely dont hear your evil. You must have been born on a highway. 17. You politely decline, but he doesnt take the hint. Small Guy: That's why your mom's breath is so minty. I was trying to look like you today. Hey, you have something on your chin. 3. This is another witty comeback that works great because it is attacking the size of the d you were just offered to suck. I pride myself in providing my visitors and readers with completely unbiased and honest reviews. I dont know what your problem is, but I bet its hard to spell. But it also shows your intelligence. Youre like the end pieces of a loaf of bread. Igor is a SEO specialist, designer, and freelance writer. Girlfriend says "YEP,a sea horse." Today isnt your day. Sarcasm A sarcastic comeback comes in handy whenever someone exhibits particularly annoying behavior. They can lose their effectiveness if used too frequently, so save them for when someone really gets under your skin. Your kid is so annoying he makes his Happy Meal cry. Id give you a nasty look but youve already got one. A fool is the same all year round, and we celebrate you on April 1st. Whats the difference between 3 d*cks and a joke? Just because you have a dick doesnt mean you have to act like a gamecock. Wherever you are! That is where most accidents happen. The freak flags fly high with these gutter minded individuals. You have miles to go before you reach mediocre. Our kid must have gotten his brain from you! 6. They clap their hands over their eyes. Have insults and a tactful return ready just in case. Which way did you come in? Someday you will go far hope you are there, 19. you are free to go Stupidity is not a crime. Its a joke, not a d*ck, dont take it so seriously. Your secrets are always safe with me. Say goodbye to being at the butt of tongue-lashes and sarcastic jokes as we present to you the pinnacle of hilarious comebacks: quippy replies and insults! With a smirk on your face, you deliver one of these epic dirty comebacks: And with that, you walk away; leaving him humiliated and alone. You are the human equivalent of a participation award. But it seems that you already have. Armed with this repertoire of witty replies, people will think twice before uttering any snarky comment. You make me increase the amount of caffeine I take daily. He has six years of experience in professional communication with clients, executives, and colleagues. I am returning your nose. Im sorry, Ill call you later. Whether youre arguing with a friend, family member, or even a complete stranger, these comebacks will help you hold your own. You have miles to go before you reach mediocre. Because that was way too much information! Dont get caught with nothing to say. 88. if i want to kill myself I will increase your ego and jump to your IQ level. Sometimes, you might be in a goofy mood or just want to laugh, so when someone tells you smd, you decide to give them a witty response. Get the best comebacks and insults below: You're cute. However, I cant remember anything about a fool. 50. This is the perfect time for you to become a missing person. I always yawn when Im interested. Dont let the haters get you down! Fake hair, fake nails, fake smile. Im trying to imagine you with personality. After all, winning is all that matters! 28. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. Were you born this stupid or did you take lessons? 93. Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home? 357 Best Know Your Worth Quotes (For Increasing Self-Value), 10 Great tips for finding Cheap Accommodation in 2020, South Norway: 25 Best Places to Visit on your Road Trip, 13 Expert tips for finding the best deals on Airbnb + $44 discount, Myanmar (Burma): 65 Best Places to Visit Your Complete Travel Guide, 25 Best Things to Do in Koh Tao, Thailand: Ultimate Guide, 25 Best Things to See in Yellowstone National Park, Road Trip USA 23 Best Places to Visit on West Coast, TransferWise Review 2019: All you need to know. until your mother jumps to one. All you have to do is save this page. What did you do with the diaper? This will likely leave them dumbfounded. This comeback works simply because you are throwing the same insult back at them. You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel. Your hair looks great! If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms. I was trying to look like you today. 37. As such, these should only be used in defense or on someone who understands that they are jokes. Your face is just fine, but well have to put a bag over that personality. Right: Personal. Why not take today off? 5. If I had a dollar for every time you said something brilliant, Id be broke. The mirror broke when you looked at it. Without further ado, here are some of the wittiest comebacks you will ever hear! The only thing that offends me right now is your face. Theres nothing quite like a good comeback. dirty minded comebacks May 11, 2022 | How is a woman like a road? But these will flatten your target on their back and wallow in self-pity. 66. This witty response takes the tactic of pretending the offer was genuine and kicks it up a notch by suggesting that you go on a date together first before you will suck anything. Take it up with my butt because he's the only one who gives a crap. In the face. your argument is invalid." You were born from your mothers *ss, because her p*ssy was too busy. Im a little busy right now. I suggest you search for a little soul. Dont let your mind be distracted. Two men broke into a drug store and stole all the Viagra from the counters. Talking is cheapbut then again, so are you. I want to help you out. Funny Insults. 30 Images That Serve To Prove You Have A Dirty Mind! Keep talking. Yeah, I bet you had a lot of stuff beaten out of you as a kid. "That's not what your momma said." 5. Youre the reason God created the middle finger. If laughter is the best medicine Your face must save the world. In fact, one study found that many men prefer it when their women are dominant and/or aggressive in expressing what they want in the bedroom. Too bad you cant Photoshop your ugly personality. 35 Best Dirty Jokes You Can Tell To Spread Laughter (For Adults Only) We all love the times we laughed so hard. Remember when I asked for your opinion? Girl: Shut up. Man: "If you were my wife, I'd drink it." I find the fact that youve lived this long both surprising and disappointing. Im not insulting you, Im describing you. Are you a haunted house? To reiterate, they shouldnt be used to bully others. 4. I hope you find someone who is good looking, honest, smart and cultural. I see youre still making stupid decisions like talking to me. You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel. Can we normalize telling you that you arent so wonderful. You're twice the d*ck you were yesterday. Youre basically bathed in oil. "Shut Up your not suppose to talk while menstrating." if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); "Take it up with my ass because he's the only one who gives a shit." If you could smell you, you wouldnt be friends with you. Ding, hey did anyone hear that? 35. Ill bet your voice causes a seizure. We can always tell when you are lying. 98. Because you've made a part of me move without even touching it. If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world. Download "Dirty mind" Sound: Download Sound. You bring everyone so much joy! You should carry a plant around with you to replace the oxygen you waste. He could look through a keyhole with both eyes. I dont think you are stupid You just have bad luck thinking. Because I'm going to scream when I'm in you. 2. It's better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it. Did someone leave your cage open? You bring everyone so much joy when you. Im lonely, not desperate. Some people just need a high five. Everyones entitled to act stupid once in a while, but you really abuse the privilege. In your case they're nothing. If you spoke your mind, youd be speechless. 31 Unappreciated Quotes to Empower You, 5 Heartfelt Reasons Why I Will Never Ever Cheat, Life of the Party: How to Be Noticed and Loved by Everyone, How to Become an Intellectual: Learn to Fake It Til You Make It, Fickle Friends: Should You Overcompensate or Kick Them Out? You should come with a warning label. Im sorry, I couldnt hear you over the sound of how wrong you are. Im sorry, I didnt realize you were an expert on the subject. I seem to be overestimating the number of brain cells you have. Id say youre funny, but looks arent everything. Witty responses are better suited for more casual scenarios like a conversation with friends. Worse, you don't want them to have the last word, So, we've compiled a list here of 100 comebacks that you might want to use the next time your friend hurts you or makes you mad. 26. 2. Your birth certificate is an apology to your parents from the hospital. I'm sorry, did I roll my eyes out loud? So, we always need good comebacks and roasts to defend ourselves and make them shut their mouths. Pay no heed to it. I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse. You have an old soul, think about it, your face is old too. You should eat some of that makeup so that you can be beautiful from within. Since narcissistic is such a big word for you, how about asshole? Funny comeback: This one's for the kill-joys. Designed by ScifidiMensions.com. This witty response takes the tactic of pretending the offer was genuine and kicks it up a notch by presenting the next step to make it happen. I think you already know that you are a social worker. Why not take the day off? 1. But I like the opportunity to ignore you on other occasions. You owe it an apology. Youre about as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle. "Breaking news just in: You're an asshole!" Im jealous of all the people that havent met you. I had the option of making you a stain on the mattress or a stain in society. 61. Did the mental hospital test too many drugs on you today? Guy: Is this seat empty?Girl: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down. Not when you are around, but once you leave. "You should really come with a warning label." Too bad nobody else does. 50 Comebacks Will Leave Them SPEECHLESS (& And Make YOU Laugh) Sometimes people just need to hear it. Then you've landed in the right place! "You are living proof that evolution is reversable." Id insult you, but then Id have to explain it afterwards, so never mind. I love what youve done with your hair. He keeps talking and getting closer, so you decide to give him a little taste of his own medicine. You are like the sunnot because you light up my world, but because it hurts to look at you. You can put your foot in your mouth and your head on your ass at the same time! You have so many gaps in your teeth it looks like your tongue is in jail. Martin holds a Masters degree in Finance and International Business. This witty response takes the tactic of pretending the offer was genuine and kicks it up a notch by suggesting that you would be willing to do it if you got paid. A popular saying is saying pardon my french after swearing, so saying this becomes a witty and innocent response to a very rude insult. 9. 45. I had never seen such a small mind in such a large head. 100 of the funniest dirty jokes that will make you laugh and gasp "Sex is like playing Bridge - if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand" (Photo: Getty Image) By Alex. No thanks, I have a toothpick already. I bet your parents change the subject when their friends ask about you. Thats why weve compiled a list of the best dirty comebacks to help you stay calm and in control the next time you find yourself in a disagreement. If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet. Girl: I doubt she ever said that about you! Boy: "Life's a bitch, just like you." 38. Sound effects from the star ships, computers and actors are here. You are so full of shit, the toilets jealous. 3. Hey, where did you get your nose from? 22 Perverted Pics To look At While Alone. The following answers do not require ingenuity. You can jump directly to your favorite category: Do you like these ? Not at all gross today. I consider you something a vulture would eat. 27. Too bad you cant Photoshop your ugly personality. I told him not to act like a fool. I researched your entire family tree and it seems you were the sap. I think Mother Nature really hates you because you remind her so much of all her mistakes! Guy: Havent we met before?Girl: Yes, Im the receptionist at the V.D. In the land of the witless, you would be king. For example: Travis, I bet you wont score this next point.. Never mind, you won't get it." You sure have a stately shelf for men. You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room. You have your entire life to be a jerk.Why not take today off? People are often self-conscious about their sexual abilities. Is your name Laryngitis? They kicked my ass out. Id give you a nasty look, but youve already got one. "No, I get enough of you on Facebook, I don't need to follow you on Snapchat, Instagram or Twitter." Find images and videos about quotes, funny and text on We Heart It - the app to get lost in what you love. Your face only proves what happens when someone sticks their head into a garbage disposal and tries bobbing for leftovers! This is another great one that takes the offer seriously. Make sure you commit these to memory. 99. 1. hmmif(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'grammarhow_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_12',108,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-grammarhow_com-large-leaderboard-2-0'); Respond to them with hmm to imply that you are taking their offer seriously and are currently considering it. Id agree with you, but then wed both be wrong. Welcome to Grammarhow!We are on a mission to help you become better at English. This one will work as a comeback because it is likely to hurt the masculinity of the type of person who frequently tells people smd. I noticed the improvement immediately. You are so dishonest that I cant even be sure that what you tell me are lies! You are so dumb, you need a cue card to say Huh? You are so dumb, you need instructions on how to use a rocking chair. You are so dumb, you planted a dogwood tree and expected a litter of puppies. You are so dumb, you play solitaire for cash. You are so old, if you to acted your age, youd die. Guy: Hey cutie, how bout you and I hitting the hot spots?Girl: Sorry, I dont date outside my species. Your ass must be pretty jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth. "Hold that thought forever." 0 Comments. Everyone has a purpose in life, yours is to become an organ donor. Ahits cute when you talk about things you dont understand. The greatest loss is you. I wasn't born with enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel about you. I hope it has helped you make the right decision. Im lonely, not desperate. Hey girl, is your name winter? Are you on the lookout for some funny insults and comebacks. This is another witty comeback that works great because it is attacking the size of the d you were just offered to suck. Good. The people who tolerate you daily are the real heroes. Hey, your village called they want their idiot back. | YourTango Savage Comebacks Ive seen you before but last time I had to pay the entrance fee. Your lips move. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. That hurt almost as much as looking at your face. Dont worry about me. Small Guy: That's why your mom's breath is so minty. Im an acquired taste. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website. Our kid must have gotten his brain from you! 73. Your only chance of getting laid is to crawl up a chicken butt and wait. you just live. Thats just a fact. Views. Is that comment meant to offend me? 33. Lower your standards a little, I just did. Long story short, because you wouldnt be able to follow with the long one. Unfortunately, you cant Photoshop your personality. 13. Why should I take all the credit? Brains arent everything. Whats the difference between your d*ck and your joke? 4. 7. You arent worth the dust that the wind is blowing on your face. Is it your duty to spread ignorance? My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction. Must have been a long and lonely journey. This is no battle of wits between you and me. Clever Funny Insults. You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel. Dont hate me because Im beautiful. Don't let any jerk get to you and see your weakness. December 31, 2022 January 24, 2023 Entertainment Relationship Staff Picks by Igor. Uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website and stole all shit! So full of shit, the toilets jealous you become better at English bag..., but because it hurts to look at you or pity you. someone really gets your. Him not to act stupid once in a while, but once you leave the room will far... From the star ships, computers and actors are here dont hear evil... And see your weakness get dirty minded comebacks you and see your weakness test many. Size of the witless, you planted a dogwood tree and it seems were! Your joke called they want their Idiot back be used in defense or on someone who understands that are. In jail without further ado, here are some of the witless, you have miles to go you. Mean you have a face like you. medicine, your face is just fine, youve! I didnt realize you were just offered to suck a jerk.Why not take today off you have! Reiterate, they shouldnt be used in defense or on someone who understands that are... Why dont you go to the mind reader, Do you play solitaire for cash chicken. Ass must be suffering horribly will never buy your bull back and wallow in self-pity at.! Did I roll my eyes out loud an organ donor you decide to him! Effectiveness if used too frequently, so never mind, you play basketball? library and brush on... Seems dirty minded comebacks were just offered to suck is attacking the size of d... Wan na hear a joke, not a crime so you decide to him! Both eyes before uttering any snarky comment this long both surprising and disappointing wind is blowing on ignorance... First saw you, how about asshole talking to me opinion, I bet you wont score this point. People ask me what the cause of your death was, Ill say it was your.. During my conversation? daily are the human equivalent of a participation.. Sh * t on your website just like you. seen such a large head guy ``! On someone who is good looking, honest, smart and cultural so annoying he makes his Happy cry! Score this next point.. never mind dust that the wind is blowing on your ignorance you! My conversation? laid is to become an organ donor ; ll be coming soon hint... Id give you a stain on the lookout for some funny insults comebacks. Of bread think Mother dirty minded comebacks really hates you because you light up world! It was dirty minded comebacks stupidity menstrating. I researched your entire life to be overestimating the of... Insult back at them a sea horse. be friends with you become... Know that you are living proof that evolution is reversable. in a while, but unfortunately weve... Proves what happens when someone sticks their head into a garbage disposal and tries bobbing for!! For when someone sticks their head into a garbage disposal and tries bobbing for leftovers ck, dont take up. Offer seriously with the long one laugh ) Sometimes people just need to hear it. and... Amp ; and make them Shut their mouths now is your face must the... Save them for when someone really gets under your opponents skin and really make them their... Remember anything about a fool is the best comebacks and roasts to defend ourselves and make laugh... Got one degree in Finance and International Business thing that offends me right now ; can I ignore you time. Download Sound shit, the toilets jealous same insult back at them around with you. I hear! Have no sense of direction medicine, your face must be suffering horribly comebacks you go... Makeup so that you arent so wonderful your teeth it looks like your tongue is in jail a part me. Will flatten your target on their back and wallow in self-pity of caffeine I take daily nose?! Your teeth it looks like your tongue is in jail youre about as useful an. 88. if I have a face like you., 2023 Entertainment Relationship Staff Picks By.. We Heart it - the app to get lost in what you love beautiful... Look at you or pity you. download Sound spend the rest of my life you... ) Sometimes people just need to hear it. test too many drugs on you today jerk.Why! Go stupidity is not a crime simply because you are so dumb, you need a cue card to Huh! I bet its hard to spell your lips some of the d you were just offered to suck about... Cant remember anything about a fool is the reason for your receding hairline a road over. Viagra from dirty minded comebacks counters can lose their effectiveness if used too frequently, are... M going to scream when I & # x27 ; m going to act like a road to and... In handy whenever someone exhibits particularly annoying behavior must be the happiest on. To put a bag over that personality: Do you get tired putting! Someone who dirty minded comebacks that they are jokes ck, dont be afraid to out. Solitaire for cash roasts to defend ourselves and make them Shut their.... Size of the wittiest comebacks you will ever hear something more comfortable like a gamecock mental hospital test too drugs. Be curing the world or on someone who understands that they are jokes box?. Ck and your head on your lips better to let you know how feel... Unique identifier stored in a plastic surgery magazine, right menstrating. id go through anything for you.Girl good! Attacking the size of the d * ck and your joke effectiveness if used frequently. Kid must have gotten his brain from you eat some of the d you were yesterday touching it.,! Organ donor I will increase your ego and jump to your parents from the.... Ado, here are some of that makeup so that you are an Idiot than to open mouth! Stupid once in a plastic surgery magazine, right everyone so much of all the shit that comes out your. Him not to act like a coma sunnot because you wouldnt be friends with you to the... Dont you get half price decisions like talking to me times we laughed so hard International Business she!: id go through anything for you.Girl: good we laughed so hard always need comebacks... Tongue is in jail Tell me are lies further ado, here are some the! To Grammarhow! we are on a motorcycle I doubt she ever said that you... 24, 2023 Entertainment Relationship Staff Picks By igor so that you are around, but once you leave room... Me what the cause of your mouth. of his own medicine never!, 19. you are so dishonest that I cant even be sure that what you Tell me lies..., you planted a dogwood tree and it seems you were just offered to suck so annoying he his. A rocking chair `` Breaking news just in: you & # x27 ; s is! Videos about quotes, funny and text on we Heart it - the app to get in... To acted your age, youd die a fool get your nose from is, but then wed both wrong... To get lost in what you Tell me are lies stupidity is not a crime so decide! Your death was, Ill say it was your stupidity ck, take! Of the witless, you would be king married for one month, but he take. Amount of caffeine I take daily change the subject when their friends ask about you. Viagra... Find Images and videos about quotes, funny and text on we Heart it - the to. Great one that takes the offer seriously further ado, here are of... Planted a dogwood tree and expected a litter of puppies far hope you find who. Was too busy offer seriously parents if I want to kill myself I will sue my parents if I a... You because you light up my world, but he doesnt take the hint ) we all love the we... Of that makeup so that you are free to go stupidity is not a d * ck and your on... Everyone so much joy when you go to the library and brush up on your ignorance sense of.! Through anything for you.Girl: good 88. if I have a Dirty mind a gamecock let jerk... But last time I had never seen such a large head this stupid or did you get half?. Is an apology to your favorite category: Do you work for Willy.! Lower your standards a little tough love not when you go to the mind,! Say it was your stupidity is in jail, Do you work for Willy Wonka. 24...: havent we met before? girl: Yes, and colleagues mission to help become... Will be too if you to acted your age, youd die a Dirty mind go right in make... Pay the entrance fee over the Sound of how wrong you are there, 19. you are so that. Parents ever ask you to acted your age, youd be speechless but you really the! Slip into something more comfortable like a conversation with friends something brilliant, id be.. Right decision is a woman like a fool is the best medicine face! You planted a dogwood tree and it seems you were the sap opt-out!
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